Selling!

Okay, now that the wedding is up and you can see everything, we're ready to clear it out of our apartment.

I've listed a bunch of it over on the 100 Layer Cake Marketplace (such a great resource). If you're getting married soon and possibly need anything, check it out. And feel free to ask me any questions you might have. I'm basically selling everything for materials costs + a little bit of labor added in. Nothing like what these projects would cost if they were commissioned, but if you'd prefer to save money and make them yourself, stay tuned for the tutorials all week.

Streamer backdrops. These were used in the ceremony space and behind the dessert table and I think they gave us the biggest bang for our buck, impact wise.

Hand dyed napkins. 132 are left - they've all been washed well and I've weeded through them to make sure that there aren't any stains.

My beloved paper flowers. There are lots of little arrangements that we used for the dining tables, as well as a few large show stoppers and the cocktail table centerpieces. Some of these have spaces in them for the vases we used.

The painted tablecloths we made for our accent tables. We have several sizes and patterns.

The painted picture frames. We had two large ones that we used for the dessert menu and the seating chart and some smaller ones that we used for bar menus and signage. I love the large ones in particular, because we had to do some hunting to find ones that were slightly ornate and they look gorgeous painted.

Our kraft paper table numbers. We have 1 - 21, I have no idea what happened to 22.

Loads of glass cylinders that we used all over our venue + lots of candles in straight sided glass cylinders. We were so lucky with these - we found an event planner on CL that was retiring, so we got a great deal on these vases and we're looking forward to passing that savings along. Cheaper than wholesale, guys!

A lot of these items are either heavy or bulky, so they won't necessarily ship well. I'm happy to look into shipping for you, but in several cases it would make the items prohibitively expensive. I can arrange for pick up in either LA or OC.

The wedding

{entrance - photo by melissa of happy confetti photography}

Our wedding is up over on 100 Layer Cake. There'll be posts up over there this week (including a few tutorials!) and I have posts lined up here, for the wordy bits that wouldn't quite fit. Feel free to settle down and hang out for a while. It's going to be a busy week.

Three years ago, yesterday

And this year I feel quiet. Not as prone to public weeping, but filled with a sort of bone deep sadness. Reflecting on the losses we've undergone and continue to live with.

Two years is the magic mark in traumatic brain injury, the window of time when you can expect to see the most improvements. Three years feels a bit more resigned, a settling in, an attempt to accept, to figure out solutions, to find a way to reknit our lives, to come to terms with the person Dave is now while still loving and mourning the person we lost. Dave still needs full time care, will always need it, and the burden falls almost entirely on my mom, which concerns me more than I know how to say. This is the year we need to regroup and make plans for the present and the future.

The part I don't like to admit, even to myself, is that it's easy for me to resent the new Dave, to feel as if he has somehow stolen away the person I loved so dearly. I imagine that if I threw a big enough tantrum he would stop pretending to be this new person and come back to us the way he was. I revert to being a child, stamping my foot over an uncooperative parent, angry in the futile way of children.

And then I feel guilty, because we are lucky and I can see glimpses of the old Dave and sometimes he remembers to tell me he loves me, and he means it. We love each other, not because we are a family. We are a family because we love each other, because we share these years and moments and experiences.

And within it all, still, there are moments of joy, bursts of the kind of love that make you want to squeeze someone so tightly that your jaw clenches up.

{dancing with dave at my wedding - photo from melissa}

We are complicated beings.

I'm taking a few days away, back next week with piles of wedding stuff. It's time.

11/14 - ETA - I can't thank you guys enough for your comments and emails and general support last week. It means so much to me and my family. My heart goes out to all of you dealing with similar situations, truly.

Friday flowers

Orange dahlias, from the farmer's market last weekend.

{orange dahlias}

I think the season is starting to wrap up, because one of these didn't even survive the trip home, but I still love them.

{dahlias}

Reading, lately

I'm a little torn on this book. It's beautifully written, for sure. I devoured it. But there isn't really the normal build up you expect to see in a novel, especially one about a family. Instead, you get isolated moments within the family history, and you have to guess at the gaps, wondering why people's motivations and relationships have changed since you saw them last.

{the pleasure seekers}

At first this drove me a little crazy, but then I decided to look at it as a series of snapshots, and it made sense to me that way. We made peace. It probably helps that I'm a huge sucker for gorgeous writing.

I have been tearing through books lately. I need to remember to start writing down what I'm reading, because I'm losing track.

Break

We were running errands on Saturday and needed to pick up a bottle of wine, so we stopped in at the new-ish Venokado location. Their selection is nicely curated and not too overwhelming and you have at least some assurance that you won't accidentally buy something horribly embarrassing.

As she wrapped our gift, the lady behind the counter mentioned that they do wine tastings on the patio. I instinctively said no, we'd love to but we don't have the time.

I've felt so short on time lately. We've been overwhelmed and end up with very little unscheduled time. I have a hard time relaxing even when I block time out for it, because I'm thinking of people and tasks that are going neglected.

But the day was so unexpectedly gorgeous that I decided it was a sign. A sign that we should sit down outside and taste a flight and eat some cheese and spend an hour talking about nothing important.

{tasting - venokado}

And so we did. Because those unimportant things are sometimes the most important.

The weekend, briefly

{bacon sandwich}

{palms}

{afternoon break}

{afternoon light}

{farmers market haul}

{beet greens, swishing}

{apple + peanut butter}

Not pictured - back to back Halloween parties on Friday and Saturday nights, an under the wire trip to finally see the Tim Burton exhibit at LACMA, tons of cleaning.