tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1452621549434169941.post5175047350706807345..comments2024-03-27T21:15:22.992-07:00Comments on Heart of Light: Postpartum depression during a pandemicRachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06819528155575569595noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1452621549434169941.post-18952758624864870222021-02-18T12:14:40.844-08:002021-02-18T12:14:40.844-08:00Rachel, I want to reach out and give you a big vir...Rachel, I want to reach out and give you a big virtual hug. You are telling the truth and I want to comfort you in your pain and guilt, and thank you for your honesty. Guilt itself is a big part of depression and I hope you can let it go in understanding that all that you've felt and thought are just manifestations of a disorder that, thankfully, can be righted now. You are the brave one who took on the monster and defeated it: brave woman and wonderful mother.jennifertugadihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13900179204223211139noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1452621549434169941.post-89880007583700030602021-02-18T12:09:55.974-08:002021-02-18T12:09:55.974-08:00Here here to that - you are saying the truth. Than...Here here to that - you are saying the truth. Thank you so much.jennifertugadihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13900179204223211139noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1452621549434169941.post-40783100330194007482021-02-17T16:34:55.758-08:002021-02-17T16:34:55.758-08:00Like many others here, I relate so deeply to what ...Like many others here, I relate so deeply to what you've written. I had my first child this past September, and being a new parent and caring for this new baby have been more difficult for me than I ever could have imagined. Early on, friends with newborns would tell me they were in heaven and I would want to die, knowing that I felt like I was in hell, that just earlier that day I had gotten so frustrated by the relentless crying, by the nonstop feeling of overwhelm and exhaustion and failure, that I fantasized about throwing my baby across the room. Reading that you had those same thoughts, that I'm not alone, that those thoughts don't make me an absolute monster, gives me massive relief. We are about to start sleep training, and your posts on that are inspiring to me and are giving me hope. Things are better now than they were in those early days, but it's still incredibly challenging. I'm so glad you're talking about it. Thank you. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1452621549434169941.post-27511821142926487122021-02-17T08:15:58.161-08:002021-02-17T08:15:58.161-08:00This resonated with me so deeply. I went deep into...This resonated with me so deeply. I went deep into PPD and PPA with my first. It took me almost two years to admit I was not OK and needed help. It took me much longer than that (work in progress) to accept that I wasn't a rotten and incapable mother: I was unwell. Hands down my lowest moment as a mom was a time with my first when I dropped him roughly in his crib and left the room after he had been inconsolable for an hour. I was practically catatonic with guilt and grief until about 24 hours after, when I finally told my partner what had happened and had a complete breakdown. That was rock bottom for me. Thank you for sharing your story. I wish I had been able to read more stories like this when I was in the thick of it. Maybe it wouldn't have taken me so long to seek help. Maybe I wouldn't have felt like such a failure of a mother. Your babies are lucky to have you as their mother. Annanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1452621549434169941.post-37567053986028611112021-02-16T21:41:23.747-08:002021-02-16T21:41:23.747-08:00Thank you for sharing so honestly. I've dealt ...Thank you for sharing so honestly. I've dealt with chronic depression and anxiety since childhood, and what I've learned is that it's just not rational or fair. I totally relate to feeling like I don't "deserve" medication or feeling guilt about not addressing issues sooner. Sleep deprivation makes everything a million times worse. I've also experienced crazy rage and irritability where I was taking things out on people in my life, completely unable to stop myself even when I was totally aware in the moment that I was being unnecessarily mean. Dealing with depression is HARD and it doesn't always present itself as crying alone in an empty room. I'm glad things are trending up (some days will still suck! that's normal!) and I hope more help is on the horizon once we are all vaccinated. Emilynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1452621549434169941.post-44383548645333076412021-02-16T06:40:58.047-08:002021-02-16T06:40:58.047-08:00Oh my dear, thank you so much for this. The rage p...Oh my dear, thank you so much for this. The rage part of PPD/PPA is not talked about nearly enough, but it feels so shameful (at least to me). <br /><br />I've always related to your writing and blog more than most, but this takes it to a new level. I hope you'll continue sharing your life here, when you have the energy! KWhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07519178169401955457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1452621549434169941.post-10386129704757538452021-02-13T11:14:47.122-08:002021-02-13T11:14:47.122-08:00I cannot believe there isn’t more support and care...I cannot believe there isn’t more support and care for new parents. I’m so glad you made it through such a difficult time.Monicahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07531189205264120913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1452621549434169941.post-49816577938856737662021-02-11T19:11:37.281-08:002021-02-11T19:11:37.281-08:00thank you so much for you story. my heart aches as...thank you so much for you story. my heart aches as it reminds me of my PPD journey. i'm just glad you've turned the corner. it's such a deep dark place to crawl out of.sookhyunhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11116842469661573606noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1452621549434169941.post-42583877839125533592021-02-10T12:28:48.815-08:002021-02-10T12:28:48.815-08:00This resonated with me so much as I have gone thro...This resonated with me so much as I have gone through many similar struggles -and am still struggling - since having my second son (who is almost 2!). He is not sleeping through the night and I think the sleep deprivation has taken a serious toll on my mental health - I am not the happy, fun parent that I once was. I am irritable, impatient and mean - like you, I'm finding it hard to even recognize myself these days. I'm sure there are other factors that play into it - including work stress, a general lack of care for myself in other areas, being trapped inside, etc. I'm struggling with guilt too. All this to say - thank you for writing this post and for your honesty, as I'm sure many others can also very much relate to this. Hoping it gets better for all of us!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05033641440337961976noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1452621549434169941.post-2818556085346841012021-02-10T12:11:49.716-08:002021-02-10T12:11:49.716-08:00This post was so honest and necessary and importan...This post was so honest and necessary and important.. thank you, Rachel. Whoever reads this and needs to read it will benefit so much from you -- you are undoing aloneness by writing. xothebeejayshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01177125351998868819noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1452621549434169941.post-13093090766741026102021-02-09T08:52:35.458-08:002021-02-09T08:52:35.458-08:00Thank you for your honesty and for sharing this st...Thank you for your honesty and for sharing this story. Like many posters above said, I can see myself in your stories. I know each experience is different, and in your case Covid quarantine makes it harder and more isolating, but there are similarities to what I went through. I'm happy you are getting help, and that you are beginning to see the light. Lots of hugs and well wishes.Linda Lainehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09019969783732467978noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1452621549434169941.post-53036038282393020602021-02-09T07:54:50.270-08:002021-02-09T07:54:50.270-08:00Thanks for writing this (in your usual poignant an...Thanks for writing this (in your usual poignant and descriptive way). I recognize so much of my experience after I had my second child in your story. The waves of rage that would boil up over seemingly small hurdles would take my breath away. The fear that I would somehow lose control terrified me. Like you, sleep for me was a huge part of getting through the darkness. But I also needed to learn more effective ways to talk to myself and get out of the negative loop that constantly played in my head. I credit that strategy for how much better I handled the newborn phase for our third baby. It was exhausting and overwhelming, but I did a much better job tuning out the self-criticism (and had kind of let go of the expectation that the newborn phase was going to be this magical and pleasant experience). I love being a mother to my children, and accepting that my favorite stages in their development might not be what others expect helped manage my own expectations.<br /><br />I'm wishing you lots of sleep, health and happiness! Thanks again for writing.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1452621549434169941.post-39835039805173112902021-02-08T22:01:56.004-08:002021-02-08T22:01:56.004-08:00Thank you so much for your radical honesty. It is ...Thank you so much for your radical honesty. It is so important that PPD/PPA is talked about openly, including the ugly and messy stuff. I remember having some of these thoughts and feelings during my son's first year. I hope that the next year brings you ever more joy.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1452621549434169941.post-44664873019665036132021-02-08T19:07:07.331-08:002021-02-08T19:07:07.331-08:00My heart goes out to you. I literally feel it tryi...My heart goes out to you. I literally feel it trying to jump out of my chest, and I only wish that could be of some help to you! I am so glad you feel better. Ian's smile glows. I wish you all the absolute best.Lisahttp://amidprivilege.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1452621549434169941.post-71446784558237198972021-02-08T19:05:11.921-08:002021-02-08T19:05:11.921-08:00You are here. You are not alone. Here is my story,...You are here. You are not alone. Here is my story, the stories of other mammas who get it. We’ve got you, and you’ve got this. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/81-alexias-story/id1123273046?i=1000473659047Alexiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13017049033228262024noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1452621549434169941.post-52279285593588260582021-02-08T18:21:51.371-08:002021-02-08T18:21:51.371-08:00I always look forward to reading your posts but th...I always look forward to reading your posts but this one was amazing. Thank you for writing itEmilyhttps://tripsinnyc.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1452621549434169941.post-21608042190326673262021-02-08T15:53:04.852-08:002021-02-08T15:53:04.852-08:00Thank you so much for sharing this incredibly brav...Thank you so much for sharing this incredibly brave piece, it's so important that we normalize PPA/PPD. I recognize myself in a lot of these anecdotes and I am grateful to you for sharing your experiences.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1452621549434169941.post-48732248350810521532021-02-08T15:08:40.748-08:002021-02-08T15:08:40.748-08:00I am so sorry this was your experience - I hear yo...I am so sorry this was your experience - I hear you and hope that you find more moments of joy moving forward.Bridgetnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1452621549434169941.post-46335290306766759762021-02-08T14:53:20.217-08:002021-02-08T14:53:20.217-08:00Thank you so much for sharing your experience. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13890690784921075478noreply@blogger.com